Thursday, October 1, 2009

Top Ten Signs

DearHusband forwarded this laugh to me some time ago. It was originally posted somewhere by Al Green (I've been to Al's blog lots of times as I'm sure lots of folks have, but I can't remember what it's called or I'd link it.)

Good for a laugh or two.

Top Ten Signs You Are No Longer a "Newly Illumined" Orthodox Christian:
* with personal notes

30. You don't think it unusual that there are 30 items in a top 10 list.

28. You are comfortable enough with mystery to not question where number 29 went.

27. You have food arranged in your freezer by the feasts and fasts.
* Nope. Just feel fortunate when there is food in the freezer.

26. Your coffee consumption exceeds that of the Presbyterians.
* It always has.

25. You enjoy the irony of having a great feast whereupon one fasts (Sept 14).

24. You can unconsciously count to 40 'Lord have mercies' without thinking.
* Nope. Still have to count on my fingers - even when I'm only counting to twelve.

23. You do not expect a swift conclusion to the service when the deacon starts the litany with "Let us complete our prayer to the Lord."
* I caught on to this long before chrismation.

22. You wonder why folks are at the Krispy Kreme on a Sunday morning.

21. You think "Do Thou.." is positively wonderful sentence construction.

20. You have actually used "noetic" and "effulgent" in a normal conversation (or as a password on your computer).
* Nope. Never used them either in conversation or as passwords.

19. You own at least one pair of industrial strength insoles.
* Nope - but I do own a couple pair of very sensible shoes.

18. You can add or subtract 13 days from almost any event without thinking.
* I'm getting better at this.

17. You look at Christmas decorations and wonder how much better Santa would look with an omophorion.

16. You can tell the seasons of the year by looking at the color of the cloth on the analogion.
* Of course I could do this as a Lutheran.

15. Holy Week and Bright Week have surpassed the Super Bowl as the major sporting event of the year.

14. You try to sing in choir and find that you can't turn the pages either.
* Yes I can.

13. You can buy a steak on Wednesday and not have any desire to cook it till Thursday.
* Nope. I still want to cook it on Wednesday.

12. You know how to make 40 different bean dishes that all taste good.
*Nope. But DearHusband can.

11. All your food includes either cabbage or dill or both.

10. You are not embarrassed to meet people you know in the liquor store.
* Never have been.

9. You read poetry and wonder what tone it is in.
* Ha! I do this all the time!

8. You no longer look past the first 4 ingredients when buying food during Lent.
* Five ingredients, actually.

7. You don't have to consult Hints from Heloise to know how to get wax out of fabrics.
* Anyone who has ever served on Altar Guild (in any denomination) knows this.

6. You have worn out at least one chotki.
* Sadly, no.

5. You have put a safety latch on your once loaded Bible.
* huh?

4. You think that shrimp are vegan and notice that fish sticks have no backbone.
* I've actually noticed that lots of things don't have a backbone: hamburgers, ice cream, etc.

3. You have a desire to do everything in triplicate.

3. You have a desire to do everything in triplicate.

3. You have a desire to do everything in triplicate.
* :-)

2. You realize that the heterodox do not have the market on swinging from the chandeliers.
* I have never known any heterodox or Orthodox who swing from the chandeliers.

And the number one sign that you are no longer newly illumined....

1. "March Madness" refers to an inexplicable desire for hummus.